Category Archives: My Daily Bread

Happy Mommies Day

I received my Mother’s Day gifts this morning. William made a clay owl at school. William’s card said he thinks I am prettiest when I am sleeping. My husband disagreed. Louis gave me a card. I was a bit concerned about his card. I was making dinner last night while he was writing it. He …

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Hide the butter knife, I just saw a picture of myself.

Lately I have been taking photo’s of myself with my smartphone when I am feeling low in spirit. This way I can inspect the photo to see just how fat I really am. I can ask myself questions of moral integrity such as “If I was someone else looking at me would I think that …

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Shitting My Way to Heaven

Second day of the trots. What I mean by ‘trots’ is that I have soup ass. What I mean by ‘soup ass’ is that I am on day two of shitting my pants. I did manage to drive the boys to school without shitting in the Uplander. It helped that I was distracted by a …

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What I wouldn’t do for a Rum and Eggnog.

Came home early tonight from a Mom’s night. (10:00) Walked in the front door to complete silence. Dogs in crate, boys and husband in bed. I stood for a moment breathing in the peace. I didn’t want to leave it. I decided to stay up. Watch some trash TV and have another drink. In the …

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Racoon Warfare

I woke up this morning to an artistic display of anarchy compliments of the local racoon gang. Our garbage can was knocked over and the contents spread across the driveway. The focal point of the exhibit was my bloody feminine hygiene pads ripped apart and laundered throughout the array of chicken bones and egg shells. …

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